Back to Normal?

Back to normal? Ha. More like survival mode right now. But I’m okay with that. I’ll fight the feeling of normalcy as long as I can. Each day, I think about what I’d be doing if I were still in Rwanda- driving the crazy streets of Kigali,  belting out our favorite tunes or doing home visits in Nyabihu, probably. I have this theory that as long as I don’t unpack my suitcase, I won’t have to accept the trip is actually over. Drives Cory insane.

Emotionally, it is hard being back. Harder this year than last. I had a friend asked if I was depressed and while I wouldn’t say full on depression has set it, it’s definitely a gloominess that is hanging over my head. I’m sure part of it is exhaustion from the last couple months, but I tried all weekend to get off the couch to put my fall decorations up. If you’ve ever been to my house in early September, you know they are normally up by now. And I love decorating my house, especially for fall, but the motivation just wasn’t there. I did get the totes moved into my living room though, so that’s a start.

Just to add to that gloominess, I finished Gilmore Girls yesterday. Why am I even sad about that??? I wish I knew because I was upset all evening I didn’t have anymore Lorelei and Rory to watch.

BUT GOD.

As tears streamed down my face at church Sunday, I sang out “Alleluia. Lover of my soul”. I was reminded that yes, I hurt and long to be back in the country that I love. Yes, I struggle with the importance of my job back here in the states BUT GOD is the lover of my soul. He understands this hurt. He MADE this hurt. And He loves me through it all. He knows our future and one day, all this hurt and struggle will make sense. Until then, I will cling to His assurance and trust in Him.

So when will this blog be back to a normal? Or at least on a schedule? I’m not really sure.  I wish I could give a definitive answer but when I’m ready, I’ll start sharing our lives again. Until then, I’ll probably be curled up on the couch, snuggling my puppies {who have been SUPER attached since we returned}, flipping through our pictures and watching the hours and hours of footage Cory shot!

Thank you for all the prayers and understanding.